Project 365 ~ Day 13 (January 13, 2009)

For today, I choose to write about "fear", mine in particular. I woke up this morning feeling fearful, especially because I have a phone call to make and have been putting it off. It is one of those things that I don't want to face but have to nonetheless. I am a procrastinator, which doesn't help when it comes to fear as that just prolongs it and makes the fear much more intense. If only I would learn to get things done and over with! I guess I fear the phone call because I don't want the answer that I probably will get on the other end. Another thing in the list of unwanted things to do in my life. But who's fault is it? Mine! And why don't I learn? Why do I continue to make stupid mistakes, even at my age? I worry about me! And then I think back to all of the things that I have been through in my life and wonder if I have reached a breaking point. I was strong but now I am becoming broken. Isn't it amazing how we each can feel deep inside when things have changed and when things have to stop? I need to heal from the past and to stop allowing it to affect my future. I need to face the truths head on, to do what I have to do to put them in the past, and then to lead my life without those "things" buried inside of me. I cannot do it alone. I have Jesus by my side and He will guide me every step of the way, as long as I allow Him to lead me.